Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's prominent comedians spent their evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's just launched visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday tune directed at the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... ruins each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new initiative which permits international nationals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" option for 5 million. The program's website pledges approval "in record time."

"A quick message for you to affluent immigrants: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.